About a month ago I made the choice to run in the annual rite of spring 10k race, the temperature hovered around freezing with some bizarre mixture of rain/sleet/hail/snow falling, and the winds were gusting to 20 miles an hour. Needless to say my running partner and I spoke little during the run so I had plenty of time to think and my thoughts went something like this:
“Who does this? Why am I doing this? Is that hail? Is that person seriously wearing shorts?”
After a few (very little) hills that seemed like the same (very big) ones I ran in SF, my thoughts continued along these lines….
“Did I really choose to this? What are my options here? Can I give up? What would I do? Can I sit down hang out on this incredibly breezy bridge with this crap pelting me?”
I finally caught my breath and realized how I was holding myself back. I found myself thinking…
“Wait I can to this! I’ve made it through worse! Instead of fighting it, just give in…let go!”
I was able to relax into my stride and although I almost tackled the well-meaning spectator who was shouting “half mile left” (which sounded like you have 20 miles left), I happily survived. I walked away from the whole wet experience reflecting on other times in my life where I sometimes feel like giving up. Giving up on relationships, house renovations, parenting, my professional life. Instead of fighting with myself I need to remember to get out of my own way. Inevitably when I give in and let go life works out as it should. The best reinforcement of this was when I looked up the race results and found I’d run at my fastest pace ever!
So where can you give in...instead of giving up? Where can you let go?
Hope you were able to celebrate all the amazing mothers in your life today.
P.S. It was my intention when I started this blog to post more often however I have made the choice to let life become wildly out of balance in order to finish some major house renovations. I'll be back soon and if not send someone to look for me in the abyss.
Speaking of watching what we say to ourselves - as the big brother helped put silverware away he shared this wonderful insight, "These are wasting time." Meanwhile, as little brother fussed in the crib he commented, "The baby is going to put you right over the edge right into the basement." Where would he have gotten all that...Dad perhaps? Nothing like a child to encourage one to examine the words one chooses.
How could this guy ever put me over the edge?
P.S. I can't take credit for this one, which was taken by my amazing friend, who beautifully captures the moments. Contact me if you want her info. She is truly talented and I love her work. Actually I can't take credit for any of the pictures on this website, they are my father's, an economist, who after a lifetime in academia, found his creativity and I love it!
Give yourself the gift of discovery this Mother’s Day - register for a Mamas Rediscovered workshop here. Through the experience of massage, exercises, reflection, and discussion I will be partnering with Julie Kesti, Shiatsu Massage Therapist to support you in finding energy, inspiration, balance, and peace. During this workshop you will identify ways to care for yourself and start creating the life you want. This workshop is the ultimate in self-care: time for reflection & the experience of Asian Bodywork.
As a trained cognitive-behavioral therapist I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how our thoughts affect our feelings and behavior. I do believe that what we say to ourselves affects our experience of life. The negative conversations I have in my head leave me feeling tense and jumpy. This anxiety leaves me stranded and immobilized. On the other hand if I’m positive in my reflections I feel relaxed and confident in my ability to move forward. It has taken me longer than I care to admit that there is more to the puzzle than this. I’ve realized that if I’m not taking care of my body it doesn’t really matter how upbeat my self-talk is and I’m stuck. This became all the more obvious after a week of interrupted sleep, and too much sugar, coupled with a physically exhausting weekend that involved an intense strength training class Saturday and a Sunday morning run my body wasn’t ready for. I was a disaster. My husband tactfully pointed out my negativity after I snapped at the baby for being a baby. I was reminded of the interdependence of our body and minds. You’ve heard of the mind-body connection….simple our mind affects our body and vice versa. The two can’t be separated as easily as I once believed. We need to take care in how we think and approach life and in how we nurture our bodies. For me, slipping into sloppy eating patterns, sleep deprivation, and pushing my body too far all add up to a clouded mind. It is journey of subtle mental misteps and sometimes all out physical crashes that remind me to make some navigational adjustments to get me back on track.
How about for you…what happens when your physical self-care becomes a little careless?
If you want to make your life a little lighter & brighter this week try a few of these...
Use a smaller plate
Spend time outside
Each day take a few minutes and pack up a bag for Goodwill
Have that conversation you've been avoiding
Don’t plan ANYTHING for the weekend
Buy fresh flowers
Say hi and smile
"Spring has come home with her world-wandering feet.
And all the things are made young with young desires."
Unknown
To live at the beach
To be passionately in love
To eat chocolate chip cookie dough
To read late into the night
To be a singer or an architect
To travel to Fiji
To write a novel
To live with abandon
What are your "young" desires?
Either the desires of your youth or the ones you think you are too old or too responsible for now?
Do your choices now reflect these desires? Could they....
Last night in my evening group at Blooma, we were chatting about the stuff that clutters up our minds and rooms and drains us of our energy. One of the amazing participants, who comes from a family of 12, shared a strategy her mother used and I just had to pass it along.
Her mother would give each child a box before summer started and all 10 had to clean out their rooms...the stuff on their walls, dressers, all the accumulated toys and junk. Her mother called it "simplifying for summer" and explained that since they would spending all their time outdoors they wouldn't need any of it. As you can imagine by the time fall came around no one missed a thing. A woman ahead of her time who clearly didn't need a library of books on organization to deal with her dozen.
We become so attached to the stuff in our lives and don't realize the space it takes up. I encourage you to take a look at your life, your physical space (the counters, closets, car, etc) and your mental space (your relationships, thought patterns, self-defeating behaviors). What can you pack up this spring. Come fall if you haven't opened the box, let it go. What a great way to simplify!
P.S. Check out this for some great "stuff" about attachment.
I tend to become a little edgy, restless, and dark around this time of year, especially when the mercury seems to be creeping up sooooo slowly. Not sure why I would further exacerbate the gloom of the coldest winter in twelve years by reading this book and this one and watching this movie. I would love to say that it was the books and the movie alone that led me to consider what I take for granted in my life….but I’ll be honest it was the loss of my internet “connectivity” for 52 hours that really woke me up.
So here is my list of the five things I’m grateful for today….
1. The ability to breathe freely.
2. A good cup of coffee and the absurdity of the fact that I can actually debate whether I want to grind and brew my own fair trade organic or visit a local shop for some caffeinated drink with whipped cream and shavings.
3. My husband….shush…don’t tell him. In the initial moments following my most recent birth I must have agreed when my dearest requested a five day trip to his beloved mountains. I attribute this total lapse in judgment to distraction and the thought I could do anything, like being a single parent for five days, since I had just completed a "successful" VBAC. Well let’s just say I can do it...just not very well. I need him as much as he needs fresh powder.
4. Okay, I was ambitious when I said five….need to go sleep in my clean sheets in my heated house.
I'd love to hear what you take for granted....
Between a toddler and a baby:
“I want to hit you with this hammer but I know I can’t”
Reminded me of how many things we want to do in our lives but feel like we shouldn’t. A few examples…eating cupcakes for lunch, letting the dirty clothes pile up to the point you need crampons to scale the mountains in your laundry room, reading blogs instead of doing bills, having one more cocktail, feigning illness to get out of work….I’m sure you can name a few in your own life. But here is the deal....don’t feel bad if you can’t show the restraint my two and a half year old did. If you are going to engage in your “should nots” do it intentionally and with abandon. I have no idea who originally said this but basically change your behavior if your guilt makes sense if it doesn’t let it go. Don’t waste energy on guilt, it isn’t worth it.
Now if you want to pummel your partner with a plastic hammer when they walk in the door that is a different story….
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