One Balanced Life

PRG Refresh!

A quarterly mini-retreat designed to help you reflect, re-prioritize, and reconnect. The format will be similar to a Personal Renewal Group. Expect relaxation, journaling, guided exercises (new and old favs) and discussion. We will revisit favorite themes and visit some new ones. Take some time for you! This Autumn we will focus on managing your energy and prioritizing. This offering is only for women who have participated in a PRG group with me in the past (for those of you who haven't had the opportunity I am starting another PRG in November at Blooma - join me then).

When/Where: Thursday September 29th at 7pm at Blooma in Edina

To register: Contact me (you won't find this special offering on Blooma's website). ONLY FIVE SPOTS LEFT! Sign-up soon to reserve your spot.

Cost: $35 per event and if you'd like additional support in the months between mini-retreats it is $100 for event and two 30 minute coaching sessions. Payment required in advance. Looking forward to reconnecting!

My sister is doing this Back to Basics Boot Camp with me too and insists on this weeks challenge…DISCIPLINE. I resisted the idea. Discipline is one of those words that makes me cringe (probably because outside of training for physical training - I suck at it).

Which is exactly why she is right -  it does need to be the theme for this week. I know when I have a physical reaction to something (like scrunching up my nose at word or experiencing anxiety) it means something isn’t in alignment and I need to go to the place I don’t want to. In times of transition (change of seasons, returning to school, or another life shift) discipline is essential. However, I am going to cheat a little and use the word PRACTICE instead of discipline (just so I don’t think of a teacher with a ruler or soldiers lined up). It feels less harsh and more supportive.

This past week I’ve allowed myself to just experience the moment. I practiced gratitude and noticed a change in how I approach life. I allowed myself to take the days slow, to observe, and to reflect. Doing so has given me the clarity to see where I need to make changes. Now, I have arrived at a place where I can respond instead of react. Being responsive means taking action, and I am facing a busy season professional and personally (travel four weeks out of seven – yikes). Clearly its is time for some good ole’ fashioned discipline (happy, sis!) and daily practice.

My Autumn Practice:

• Settling into silence
• Being gentle in my thoughts and gentle in how I move through my world
• Returning to the mat
• Following the plan my nutritionist laid out for me 6 months ago
• Listening to my body and treating it with kindness
• Compassion with the people who matter most
• Laughing
• Spending time in nature...daily
  
• Following a schedule (after I practice creating one)
  
• Morning meditation
• Opening to the possibilities
• Clearing the clutter
• Creating/writing everyday

Week Two Challenge: Where can you be more disciplined? Reflect on what you need to practice.

“Anything I’ve ever done that ultimately was worthwhile…initially scared me to death.”

I think I start the same post every Autumn. It is my favorite season - I love the crisp early mornings, the way the light looks different, the smell of change in the wind. It is always bittersweet time of year for me…endings and beginnings.

I've been thinking about the summer and how it was spent - it was filled with driving, riding, running, playing, camping, swimming, and constant movement. And although I know in a few months I will miss the afternoons spent at the lake, I am ready for change. I always find myself more reflective this time year and sort of view it as my New Year probably a byproduct of twenty plus years in school. Every year I step into the transition with the same mix of emotions. And this year is no different. I am filled with familiar feelings…nostalgia, excitement, and stepping into the unknown.

In the last week my son started kindergarten and my little one got his haircut (and for those who know me well they know which one I was ready for) and the first few days were bliss and then "it" hit. I can't even define "it" but it looks a little like chaos...late wake-ups, scattered bedtimes, one normally happy-go-lucky child who misses his brother so much that he has turned into a whiny crabby gremlin.  And one who is either so tired at the end of the day or is tasmanian devil jumping whirring around the house. And my adjustment hasn't been so stellar either.

Yesterday a friend told me she marks out 6 weeks from the start of school on her calender and notices that all the kinks seem to work themselves out by then. So I am doing the same. And to support myself in the transition I am doing a little Back to Basics Boot Camp for 6 weeks. And I don't mean the physical kind (I am a bit burned out on hardcore exercise at the moment). More the mind, body, and spirit kind. My Boot Camp is all about returning to the basics (my self-care non-negotiables) and then throwing in a challenge for myself every week.

For me right now self-care is about slowing down, embracing silence and stillness in my life. I know I need to: sleep, exercise, meditate, write, create, spent time outdoors, do yoga, climb, be present with my kids, work with intention, and treat my body kindly. I know I can't do all of these things in any given day but I can slow down enough and in the silence ask myself what I really need to do to take care of myself on any given day. And I know I can make all of these things happen in any given week.

Ask yourself what would your Back to Basics Boot Camp look like? What do you need to do take care of yourself as you head into this season of transition. For everyone it will look different. One friend who is joining me signed up for a Bootcamp (the physical kind). Reflect and think about you want your Fall to look like and then put a plan with some accountability into place. If you want additional support feel free to shoot me an email.

My Week One Challenge is to make a Gratitude List everyday. Everyone knows the research about the power of focusing on your favorites moments, the moments that touch you, the ones that make you stop and take a breathe.

Today I am grateful for...

• The sunlight dancing on water during my morning run.
• When my son said he missed his brother - I told him he is always in your heart and I am too so just put your hand there when you miss us. And today noticed his little hand over his heart as I walked him into daycare.
• Jen Lemen's blog
• The slideshow my sister sent me. I am so blessed to have her in my life and don't know how we would survive the beautiful mess without each other. You can find the slideshow here (on the left side half-way down called "Lose Your Little Mind.") Beware it is powerful.
• Heartful conversations that make you feel connected and at peace.
  

If you want to join me, check back next Thursday for a new weekly challenge.

There are moments that make time stand still and fill one with a sense of wonder and peace.  My good friend Anne captured one beautifully....

"Chase was with us at the race!! Today my dear friend Sarina LaMarche and I did ...an Olympic Triathlon down in Lakeville. It was a chilly, overcast morning with a 7:30am start. I had bought two red balloons the night before to bring in honor of Chase. I seem to think about him a lot when I am doing my training runs and bikes. So I felt strongly that I wanted to honor him at the race. Just as the race was about to start, some people around Sarina and I were thanking us for bringing the balloons because it helped to mark their spots in the transition area and what a good idea. I said, "oh these are actually to honor our friend's son who we lost this past March." As soon as I said that, Sarina said, "Oh my gosh Anne look at that rainbow." It was the most vibrant beautiful rainbow, directly over the two red balloons. It was so powerful, we both just stopped and stared. I had to take a picture. I know Chase was with us at our race today, because we both finished and felt strong finishing and held onto to that image of the balloons and the rainbow the entire time. Thanks Chase for chasing us to the finish line!! Love Anne and Sarina!!"

For all the angels that are forever in our hearts.

I have a friend, whose partner, ended their almost year long relationship via a text message. Yep not kidding. Ouch.

As we talked I said "It is like this...you lived the story of you two and some of the pages were missing. And I get it - you are trying to make sense of the story but as you go back and reread - it still isn't going to make sense. Someday, you will realize that in addition to the pages and perhaps chapters that were ripped out - not by you, there were pages you chose not to read. Write your own ending. Close the book. Start a new one. This is your chance to write your story."

"When there's big disappointment, We don't know if that's the end of the story. It may just be the beginning of a great adventure." Pema Chodron
 

CREATIVE-TEA RETREAT
Sarina LaMarche, Life Coach, & Julie Kesti, Shiatsu & Reiki Practitioner
Invite you to join us for our monthly  Creative Visioning Mini-Retreat, August 18th at 7pm. Carve out some time for reflection, creativity, and connection. Creative-tea is about giving yourself the gift of slowing down.
@ Chakra Khan in Minneapolis
$28 price includes tea, snack, and all supplies
to register email sarinalamarche@yahoo.com. Space is limited so sign-up in advance. Payment required with registration. Check out Creative-tea for more information

HEALING BIRTH STORIES SATURDAY SEPTEMBER 17TH
A workshop designed to support mothers who have experienced a difficult or negative birth, birth shock, or birth trauma, or have struggled to resolve their births. This workshop will provide a space for women to share and heal from their experiences. The one and half hour session will include discussion, time for reflection, and other exercises. Leave feeling supported, empowered, and more at peace with your birth. Co-facilitated with Maureen Champion. Contact me to register and for more information.


PERSONAL RENEWAL GROUPS STARTING OCTOBER 2011
A supportive, nurturing, empowering group for mothers that meets once a month for 6 months to share in reclaiming, rebalancing, and reconnecting.

This is a Personal Renewal Group (PRG) for mothers, created specifically to explore and learn 1)how to “reconnect” with who you are, 2)strategies for making self-care a priority so you can live, love, and parent optimally, and 3)how to experience greater life balance. Each monthly session includes discussion, exercises, reflection time,  etc. Develop community and meaningful connection with other mamas. These groups are based on the exciting new book The Mother's Guide to Self-Renewal: How to Reclaim, Rejuvenate, and Re-Balance Your Life by Renee Trudeau. Check out www.reneetrudeau.com for more information.

Since I returned from Vermont, every time I walk through the yard I sorta squint in an attempt to ignore it. Like if I just don’t see the mess somehow it will just go away or maybe I will step out and some garden fairy will have come during the night and weeded and mowed. This avoidance hasn’t really been effective in stopping the thoughts… “This is a disaster, completely overwhelming, embarrassing, and how did I let this happen.”

And today when I took the boys out to play in the backyard for the first time since we’ve been back - the negative self-talk started again. I sat down in complete despair over the mess. Then my little one snuggled up to me and said “Mom, look at this beautiful jungle.” Sigh. Just like a three year old to remind one that it is all in how you view the world.

From my spot by the herb garden, I watched them play, and thought it is kinda cool looking (albeit a little wild) and was able to start pulling weeds.

I have been here before. Sometimes I am able to slide into the slowness and other times the transition takes a while. I fight against the pace of life here. I push, wrestle, find myself restless, and searching for something to do. So I learn to sit with the edginess and eventually I settle into a rhythm. There is nothing to do here but slow down. And I am not exaggerating at all. It is like being in another country. There is no landline, no cell phone, no computer, no friend to meet for coffee…just the valley, and the mountains. I’ve often thought on this trip how did I live here for a month with a 1 and 3 year old? But I realize the difference between two years ago and now: I am more “connected” to the world at large than I was then. And I also realize that is a choice. Maybe one I made unconsciously. But that is the gift of being here…a reset. Or as one reader remarked -  perhaps an opening (aperature) - to look at life differently. To slow down and connect in ways - that really matter.

I have been here before. Getting comfortable with the unknown. I remember when I first started coming here I would run only on the paved roads, lock the doors at night, and scramble for connection with the outside world. Now I hit the roads not traveled, unapologetically leave the doors unlocked, and although I do miss connection I know I really need the disconnect this time.

I have been here before…seven years ago this very month I was full of hope for the child I was carrying and for my mother-in-law sick with cancer.  Hope that she would recover and meet her first grandchild. Within a month I would be back out here again visiting Children’s Hospital in Boston for tests with the baby and going to chemo with her. And within another month both would leave this world within hours of each other. It was a very dark time. The darkest I have ever experienced. But there was light too. The moments of peace when I felt and knew that they were together.

As I look back over the years I see the pattern of light and dark, joy and pain. I have been here before.

And I will be back again…over and over. That is the rhythm of life.

I got up early for my ride this morning to beat the heat (the heat wave that apparently swept through the Midwest is hitting here) and the experience was like riding through a movie - at every turn a new delight.

• The sound of a rooster greeting the morning
• A fog hovering over a valley
• The scent of evergreen needles resting in the sun
• A meadow full of Black-eyed Susan’s and Queen-Anne’s-Lace
• White church steeples and old stone walls
• The sight of the Connecticut River surrounded by the Green Mountains
• Feeling the wind as I sailed down the hills

All moments where I couldn’t help but smile and feel the joy in the moment.

Pema Chodron says, “In our most ordinary days we have moments of happiness, moments of comfort and enjoyment, moments of seeing something that pleased us, something that touched us, moments of contacting the tenderness of our hearts. We can take joy in that. I find it essential during the day to actually note when I feel happiness or when something positive happens, and begin to cherish those moments as precious. Gradually, we can begin to cherish the preciousness of our whole life just as it is, with its ups and downs, its failures and successes, its roughness and smoothness.”

So the plan is…

I have traveled enough cross-country, with young children, to know that the end to that sentence is best left alone. There are infinite possibilities. What I don’t always know is it applies to me as well. My plan, in keeping with the month, was to focus on snapping a picture everyday of the simple joys along the way, which I started out doing. There was a picture of Ryder chasing seagulls on the Indiana dunes and a rainbow above Niagara Falls…but that is where those pictures will remain…in my memory.

After leaving Niagara Falls, my girlfriend turned to me and said I bet you have some great pictures. I looked at her and said “we have my camera, right?” After three days in the van, I turned and frantically scanned the tornado behind us and didn’t see it. I had handed it to her while I ran to get the car. In a state of hysteria, I whipped a highly illegal u-turn on the interstate and headed back. I am not a stuff person but it is one of the four possessions I care about (the others being my ipod, docking station, and computer). She calmly said, “It will be there I think I set it down on a bench.” I was not that calm and began having a complete meltdown – screaming at the kids to be quiet and crying. She started dialing the police and lost and found. As we pulled up she jumped out and started searching, while I hyperventilated and started bargaining with the universe.

I saw her running to and fro and as she came back to the car empty handed and clearly now upset in a panic. I felt so bad and heard a little voice inside my head said, “It is just stuff Sarina – let it go.” She climbed in the car, started crying, and apologizing repeatedly. I grabbed her hand and said, “Honey, stop. Let it go - the flash was broken anyway. It ain’t nothin but a thing. There is some gift in this.” She looked at me like I was insane and then we started laughing.

I turned to glance at the three kids. Oops, they were clearly shell-shocked and traumatized by the drama they had just witnessed. I explained all was okay, everyone was fine and we actually didn’t need the camera to remember and that every time we were happy or saw something we liked we would snap a pretend picture…and we would always have in our memory (this little pep talk might have been a bit for me).

As I stare out at the valley, savoring a cup of coffee and the stillness of an early Vermont morning, I snap a picture. That is the gift. To be here now. There is no distraction of a camera (or anything else for that matter). Just the moment.

So that is the new plan…the let go of the plan.