One Balanced Life

There are places that reach in and wrap themselves around your heart. New Orleans is one of those places. I’ve lived down south and thought how different could Southern Louisiana really be. But it is. And New Orleans is city unlike any other. I fell in love with it - the colors, the architecture, the accents, the music, the energy, the food, the slow easy pace of life, but most of all the people. Take Granny, who has lived her whole life on the bayou and has never left the area, she was full of stories and an honesty that blew me away. And I could listen to the sound of her voice all day, completely mesmerized by it. When we met she looked into my eyes - gave me the sweetest compliment – and I promptly fell in love with her too. When we parted whispered in my ear “Remember what I said, remember who you are.”

At the airport, I was chatting with a friend and she asked, “Could you live there? If you could live anywhere where would you live?” My response was “I don’t know.” On the plane I thought of other places I’ve been fallen in love with and considered a life…a beach near Truro, the mountains of North Carolina, the North Shore of Kauaii, rural Vermont, the Oregon Coast, the woods of Northern MN…the list went on and on.

And then the answer to her question came to me. As I stepped off the plane I called her and said…

“I’ve got it. I just want to really live wherever I am.”

Last week I was sitting on the stoop having my morning coffee and decided to have a conversation with the universe. And while I may tell others just ask the universe for what you need it will provide – I don’t always follow my own advice. Anyway, the talk went something like this…

“I know you have provided me with everything I really need and I am not sure of the right way and I feel a little small asking for this but I kinda need some cash.”

In the interest of honesty I will fess up – NEED is not the appropriate word – WANT is probably a titch more fitting. I’ve been desperately missing my camera, which was stolen this summer, and my bike, which wasn’t really mine but rather borrowed from a friend for the last two years, and I really…needed…OKAY wanted to plan a couple of trips.

Within hours of having this rather selfish conversation I had $8500 in cash in hand (and a rather funny story of selling a piece of property that wasn’t a fit anymore to a couple who seemed to be in dash for the southern border).

Reminded again about the power of asking…asking for what it is you need or want. Maybe for you it is clarity, forgiveness, peace, calm, courage, love, acceptance, or success or stuff. Just ask. Let yourself be surprised.

Today was one of those days where I had to grow up a little (or at least a little bit more). And I’ll be honest I didn’t want to. My mom, diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimers, had her 6-month neurology appointment. As a family we had decided one of the kids needed to take her to give my dad a break. And since I have the most flexible schedule the task fell to me.

I spent yesterday a bit anxious…preparing for her response. Bracing myself for her reluctance when I would have to say I was taking her and for the anger that would follow when I would have to ask the doctor about her driving ability. In a sort of foggy way I’ve known that the day would come when I would have to start taking care of my parents and frankly yesterday I thought I am not ready for this. The thought actually popped into my “Hell I can barely take care of myself and the kids.” And I went to bed a bit heavy with dread.

But as usual life surprises - with the promise of a fancy coffee drink on the way she went with me happily and chatted about how fun it was for me to go with her (not at all her usual reaction to my involvement). Dressed in tie-dyed socks and dangly earrings, I watched her nervously answer the doctor’s questions and my heart broke a little with her straining for the answers and need for approval. I silently cheered her on and thought to myself (crap I don’t know the damn date). I was able to broach the sticky issues with more ease and grace than I thought myself capable of.

As I got in the car to drive back to the cities - tears filled my eyes. I reflected on the calls/texts from friends supporting me, about my mom bringing me a glass of water in bed the night before, and the whispered thank you from my father. I realized taking care of my parents is a gift and so is letting others do the same for me.

And I realized growing up isn’t that hard. It is just about having the courage to face whatever it is you thought you couldn’t.

Where do you need to grow up? What is it you need to face? You can do it. Not so bad really.

I am sitting. Thinking. Staring out the window. Procrastinating on preparing for a speaking gig. I’ve been asked to speak about life balance. And while I’ve done it 100 times what comes to me (after being gone more days than not out of the last two weeks or at least it seems that way) is this…

“It doesn’t exist. Period. End of session. Thank you all for coming. You can leave now and instead of listening to me go do something to take of yourself. A walk in the woods, a pedicure, a talk with friend, whatever. Just go experience it.”

But am thinking that ain’t gonna fly…I have an hour to fill. But it is the truth. Life balance doesn’t really exist. There will always be that unexpected phone call, a child with a fever, a forgotten bill, a friend in need, a urgent deadline, or some other unanticipated disaster. That is life. The one thing you can count on is that there will be something every single day that throws you off course and potentially sends you spinning. Good or bad.

The truth is balance is an art. It is a state of being. It takes persistence. It is work. It is a subtle dance of taking care of yourself first above everyone else (yes shocking I know – take a deep breath…baby steps), of managing your energy, of getting the support you need, and of always remembering to come back to the moment.

Something Karen Maezen Miller said in one of her retreats jumps out at me…
“I didn’t say it was easy. I said it was simple.”

Maybe I will throw that in there and then send them on their way.

During any transition I encourage my clients to take some time away from everything. The purpose being to slow way down, to get quiet, and to listen for the inner voice or knowing. That voice will never lead you wrong. I encourage clients to find a place that is theirs - a church, a sanctuary, a sacred spot just for them.

One of my own teachers has been encouraging me to get silent...which for the most part I've kind of avoided. My girlfriends and the fabulous Jen Lemen call it going into the "cave." But I finally REALLY did it this weekend - left the phone, computer, etc and took off for my church...a place a of wind, rocks, waves, golden leaves, and old pines. It is this place I turn to drown out the noise of life - a place I turn to for silence, for release, for celebrating, for grieving, for reflecting, and creating. A place where I feel my smallness and my greatness. It is a place I can connect with grace and beauty. The place where I can hear and feel that inner voice. It is where I come home to the knowing that universe gives one what one needs to be the best they can be and that everything is connected.

My challenge for you this week is to find, create, or return to sacred spot/sanctuary/church that allows you to sink into who you are. A place that makes you feel like you are coming home to you. A place you can retreat to when you need a break from the press. For my sister this means creating a spot just for her within her home. For a friend it is a rock by the creek. For some a place of worship. For others an altar on their dresser. Wherever it is...make it special - it will be uniquely you! Go there and retreat if even for 15 minutes - it will be worth every second.

Love this! The Jonathan Fields "Have a Little Faith" Video. Yummy stuff.

I planned on meditating and doing yoga this morning but when my eyes opened I asked "what is you really need" and I waited (or procrastinated) and as I slipped into a lazy meditation it came to me...GO SLOW. Yep. That felt right. So I just stayed in bed waiting for the morning to come to me. 

This week has been one of those where everything feels a bit too...bright, sharp, unsettling, exhausting, exciting, huge, vulnerable...I could go on. But basically just too much - in good ways and bad. I know myself well enough to know I need to heed these whispers before I crash. So as I've moved through my morning it is the voice I hear in my head...slow...pause...stop and look up.

Sipping my coffee, I feel the cool fall air blowing in and look up to gaze at the brilliant maple tree. I take a deep breath and look at what I really need to get done today...5 things. Thats it and moving slowly. We all can get swept up in the press of the day - the press of life. We create that in our heads. 

I started this Basics Boot Camp in transition and while life has settled (my little three year old gremlin is adjusting to his brother's absence a titch better - progress) the edges of change are still there. And it isn't just me many clients and friends are in transition right now. There is a tendency to want to race through transition to make it go away, to get to the other side faster...it doesn't work. Better to pause and retreat. Take it slow. 

Week 5 Challenge: Go slow. 

     
Last week I started a watercolor class as I entered the room it felt almost surreal…the smells, the space, the art debris littering the counters. It was if I was transported back two decades…Mr. Adams art room. Probably in an attempt to keep me out of trouble Mr. Adams offered me a job cleaning up the art room after school a couple of nights a week. I would rinse out brushes and clean up the pottery wheels and tools. And oh how I loved those quiet afternoons (if he talked at all it was in the form of a mumble and mostly to himself)…the ritual of the running water and stacking everything. They brought me peace and a sense of calm(and it sorta kept me out of trouble).

As I sat last week listening to my very serious German art instructor I smiled to myself. It felt like coming home. That is what happens when we return to the things we love doing. To the things that bring us energy. It is what happens when we return to places that feed us. Granted I can’t return to Mr. Adams room but I can pick up my brushes, create a space of my own, and create rituals…like I did back then as I cleaned up the art room.

Reflect on the things that bring you energy…running, writing, meditating, shopping, whatever. Think about the places that feed you…perhaps a place from the past, a space outdoors, or even the mall. Find sometime this week to return to something you love doing or to a space you feel a sense of peace. When you do this create a ritual for yourself that honors the time you are taking for you.

On my art desk sits a wooden box, given to me by an artist friend of my mother’s when I graduated. My ritual involves opening it before I write, meditate, or create. Tucked inside is a note and a ceramic jar in the shape of heart which is inside a beautiful cloth bag tied with a string with bells. I love it.  It is my inspiration and has been for over 20 years. The note reads…

“When I was your age, I was free, boundless, energetic and creatively in love with life. I was a productive artist. I am still full of expression. But my hands cannot put the visions onto paper. In you I see so much strength and lovely uniqueness  – I can not beg you enough to direct your energies – to create, to contribute to our mother planet – before you are old like me. (note: I have started to laugh at this part as I am probably her age now and better get going). Time is a blessing. In this box is an oil that is mixed by me…Somalian Rose from an African friend, Patchouli from a Mpls. Friend, a meditation oil from a Rasta friend in Jamaica. The combo is a statement of inner peace. It represents the values written on the bottle. Do not wear. Keep in tact – in the box. When you are alone…thinking, meditating, deciding, or creating – take it out. Use the aroma to bring you the peace and inner strength that it brings to me. The smell will grow on you. It is beauty. It can transform sorrow & pain – because beauty is the language of the heart.”

This morning I opened the box and closed my eyes. The smell of the oil still fills the room, as it did two decades ago. I like to think it is a bit magical as the smell hasn’t faded a bit. As I take in the scent I find myself feeling the beauty of the day. Today I slipped the heart out of the bag to see if the words were still there…faded and smudged they read…Unity, Harmony, Joy, Peace, Love, Overstanding. Ahhh inspiration.

May your day be filled with all of them.

Happy Inspired Monday!

I love Thursday nights. I spend them surrounded by fabulous and tremendously courageous women. Tonight, as I shared the journey with group of amazing women and former PRG participants, I was reminded of the power of intention setting.  A simple concept...get still, listen, and usually it comes to you. A vision, a statement, a word that provides guidance on what and how to you want to be in the world.

One of my first PRGers  put it out there that she wanted to start a business and three years later quit her day job and is running a successful one. Another PRGer and client had the same dream and is launching one right now. A career client, I've worked with over the past six months dreamed of leaving the traditional corporate world for something more suited for his passions, style, and talents. He was hesitant about the reality. We worked through it and he just got his dream interview. And tonight one of the returning participants shared that when she first started her PRG journey two years ago she surprised herself by writing down that she wanted to write a book - and is now being pursued by an agent.

So this week's challenge is too reflect on what is your intention. How do you want to be? What do you want life to look like? Get quiet and ask yourself. If you need some support Wayne Dyer's book The Power of Intention is a great resource.

And as always have fun with it it!

So I tried…I really did…sorta…I think in terms of discipline I will just have to keep practicing.

I am so ready for this week’s challenge for Back to the Basics Boot Camp: Week Three. Adventure. Sigh. A little bit more comfortable for me.

While last week was sorely needed this theme is so appropriate. In times of transition, one does need to play, mix it up, to try new things, and laugh a lot. I’ve written a lot over the years about adventure and “doing things different” and am always amazed but what can happen when people really embrace the idea. When we “do it different” we actually change brain chemistry and the end result is we change the way we see the world. When I talk about this concept with clients big ideas usually come up like: renting a convertible and driving up a coast, taking a solo trip, starting a business, or moving to a foreign country. While those things are of course important I often give a gentle nudge to think a little smaller too - a picnic with kids on the living room floor, a couple of hours alone in a resturant, driving home a different way, taking a class in something you’ve always wanted to but were scared to try (my disciplined sister is taking an African Dance Class).  I’ve also had clients and a friend recently who started sleeping with their heads at the other end of the bed. It doesn’t have to be huge. Little adventures can bring about as much change and joy as big ones.

Reflect on your day and what you could do to mix it up. While transition is unsettling sometimes doing things differently can help you gain clarity around the direction you need to head in or how you need to be in the world. Embracing the ideas of playing with the possibilities and having an attitude of adventure can bring clarity, focus, and intense joy.

As I write this I am almost giddy…I am heading into a much-needed weekend away…sans kids. And the funny part is my girlfriend and I have no idea where we are going. Just heading north knowing it will involve running, vision boarding, fishing, eating good food, and laughing. Sometimes it is freeing to not know where one is heading. That is the spirit of doing it different - to delight in where you end up - as one usually ends up exactly where they are supposed to be.