One Balanced Life

Day 23: A Drive
The kids and I took a little drive to the airport to pick up daddy (who has been gone for 13 days and 16 hours)! Along the way I discovered something else that draws me to this place, the lack of development. As I hit New Hampshire as the traffic signs, stores, fast food increased so did my irritation. After almost three weeks in the country I admit I was a little overwhelmed and I further annoyed myself by going to a mall with the time we had to kill before the flight arrived. Not sure what do with this as I'll be plunged back into life in the city in a week or so. Any thoughts?

Day 22: The Sun
Tomorrow, my husband and in-laws return. Although it has been a titch challenging at times I am grateful for the the last 4 days I've been able to spend here with my little ones alone. The sun came out today. Yeah! We spent the day outside playing in the mud and water and eating our meals on the porch. We put on long pants and hiked through the meadow to the bottom of the property which the kids loved. They had pails to collect things they discovered, although I ended up carrying one or the other most of the time (update: one discovered poison ivy too). And the boys scampered out of their clothes to take a bath in our makeshift tub at the end of the day. What a great reminder to go with the flow.

Day 21: Rain
Rain, rain, rain. We made the most of it and went to a Farmer's Market where we go the hugest head of organic lettuce for $2 (see picture below).

Day 20: Bedtime
Grateful to have both kids in bed and asleep by 7:15.

Day 19: Alone with the Stars
Tonight was a beautiful clear night and I convinced myself that it was safe to be outside. I say it somewhat jokingly but I have been a little anxious being here by myself. Although intellectually I know I'm probably safer here than the city I'm am still testing the edges of my comfort zone. So tonight I sat alone on the deck enjoyed a bowlful of stars.

Day 18: Unexpected Solitude (well, sorta)
As my in-laws left today I am facing four days of solitude, well sorta - I still have my two boys to take care of. I spent the day moving slow and enjoying time alone with boys. Although unexpected I am grateful for the opportunity to spend some time just the three of us.

Day 17: Breakdown
This morning I woke up feeling frazzled, vulnerable, and a little rough around the edges. Also had a little pity-party for myself as my brother-in-law came up to join us and was acutely aware of the absence of my husband. Realize how hard it can be to co-parent with others...different styles, neither right or wrong but started to feel like I was parenting under a microscope. Since I was feeling so "on edge" I took the boys into town to go to the farmer's market, library, and for a little walk. As we passed a museum my older one said lets go in and explore and of course thought to myself..."I can't handle this today." But I paused, took a breath, laid down the rules, and said okay. They behaved wonderfully and had a blast. The diversion was just what we (and I needed). Was able to return with a fresh perspective. So easy to forget I am responsible to my children but no responsible for them. And so easy to forget their behavior isn't a reflection on me. They truly are their own beings and my job is really to guide them on their journeys.

Day 16: Nature
"Adopt the pace of nature: Her secret is patience." Ralph Waldo Emerson

Day 15: Beach
Grateful for:
An beautiful afternoon at beach building sand castles, filling moats, and tiring the children out!

Day Fourteen: Non-negotiables
Renee Trudeau in a recent posting (for some reason I can't make a link but you can find it under my Personal Renewal Group information under my services page) talked about our self-care non-negotiables. The things  in a do to take care of ourselves. For me it is sleep. Something I tend to neglect. My husband and brother-in-law left a few days ago and it has been a ton of work taking care of the three boys and helping my sister-in-law with the baby (which is why I’ve posted all of these in one post and have taken no pictures). I’m exhausted and unfortunately look so forward to a few hours of alone time in the evening. What I should be doing is sleeping. So I’ve recommitted to getting to bed a little earlier. How about you - what are your non-negotiables?

Day Thirteen: Letting Go
Today for the second time this week I was drenched during my afternoon run. In the same spot - on a hill in an open pasture with no trees for cover. It led me to reflect on how much we don’t really have control over…our kids, our partners, other people’s reactions, the weather. We can only control our response and reaction to the world around us. A great reminder to let go of what we can’t control. What do you need to let go of?

Day Twelve: Today’s Lesson
As the sun warmed the grass on the hill, I took the boys outside to play. While I sipped my morning coffee I watched them play…for two hours. Of course I’ve “watched” my children play most days but today was different I really watched them and lost myself in the observation. Here I don’t have work, the phone, email, or my own housework to distract. I realize how much I am always moving and doing. Grateful to stop and pause. The morning was a wonderful lesson and blessing.

Day Eleven: Holding Back
Over the river (actually had to stop so Mike could kayak it while I found a delightful coffee/bakery/wine shop with kids toys!) and through the woods we went to barbecue at an old friend’s house. I say old friend, because I’ve seen him once in the last decade and a half. He and I were sweethearts in the 9th grade and remained close friends throughout high school. As the years passed, we drifted apart only to reconnect in the last year. I was a little anxious to meet up again…would his wife like me, would I like her, would our kids get along, would he and my husband connect? In the past this anxiety may have stopped me from pursuing the unknown. But I figured what the heck! We had a wonderful time, loved his friends, the boys enjoyed themselves, I loved his wife and home, and my husband and he became fast friends.  It was all I had hoped it would be and so thankful I didn’t let a little fear stop me. What fear have you had recently that has held you back from something you wanted to do? As my husband says a little anxiety is good for you it just means you are going to grow.

Day Ten: Farmer’s Market
Again, some food gratitude:
Strawberry jam
Olive Bread
Homemade pretzels
Snap peas
Bluegrass music

Day Nine: Being
“At the center of your being you have the answer, you know who you are and what you want.” Lao Tzu

In one of Personal Renewal Groups the focus of the month is on self-care. Every day the intention is to take a moment to reflect on what you need to do to take care of yourself…to feel supported, nurtured, and balanced. After a week of running around preparing for the trip, welcoming my nephew, and sitting in a car I woke knowing I needed to move by body. Lacing up my shoes, feeling achy and unmotivated, I stepped out the door and started to run. My old running route here wasn’t going to work. It was a nice flat run along a creek but the road is being resurfaced…or something. Largish rocks – not to friendly. Hoping to avoid the hilly route I tried another that took me past a house with rottwielers and while they were tied up (with rather thin ropes) they scared me out of my shoes – also not such a friendly option. So I resigned myself to the hilly route. Usually I run with music pumping to keep my motivation up while I run around a flat path around the lake back home. As I faced the hill I almost turned back. But pushing myself outside of my “comfort” zone was well worth it. The quiet, the views, challenging my body all left me feeling satisfied. What do you need to do to push yourself past your comfort zone?

I’ll back up a bit…we decided to spend the month of July in Vermont this year, helping family with their toddler and newborn. My sister-in-law and I will be co-parenting by ourselves for two weeks of the month. Four kids under the age of four – sounded like an adventure. Also seemed like the perfect time to be more intentional, to slow-down, to respond to life rather than react. I’ve been wanting to be more consistent with a daily “stillness” practice to focus on gratitude, self-care, etc. I encourage you to join me this month. Grab a notebook, journal, piece of paper and take 5 minutes a day to reflect on what you are grateful for or take a moment of stillness and reflect on what you need to do take care of yourself.

Arriving in Vermont is bittersweet. Six years ago my amazing mother-in-law decided to build a home to retire to, on land she owned for twenty years. It was a big step for her. She spent her life working HARD! She went to college while parenting three boys (including a set of twins) and a daughter with special needs. Dedicating her life to education she was a pioneer and admired by many. So thinking of retirement and slowing WAY down was a huge step for her. Unfortunately, she was diagnosed with cancer right after breaking ground and died within the year. It is hard to find the words to explain what this land and place means to me. I have wonderful memories of camping here, meeting my in-laws for the first time, filling the wheelbarrow with water from the creek and placing black plastic over it to heat the water – and the wonderful shower at the end of the day. There is nothing like a shower outdoors. Coming together as a family here to celebrate her life.

There is an emptiness. Every time I look out one of the windows my breath catches a little – it is so amazingly beautiful.

And I am deeply grateful to be here.

And a few other things I'm grateful for today:
The full moon tonight lighting up the valley
A much-needed shower
Space for the kids to run

Happened upon another restaurant with a train suspended from the ceiling that ran continuously. Grateful for the distraction for the kids (and that I didn't have to come up with another meal from the cooler).

Today I just wanted to get out of the car. This is going to take practice.

Feeling overtired and anxious about leaving late and how the kids would do in the car with 1400+ miles to go, I found myself wondering about the commitment I made to myself…to slow down, pause and reflect daily on gratitude, self-care, or whatever inspiration came to me for the next 30 days. Ugh…this was going to take practice. In fact, I briefly considered holding off until we actually arrived at our final destination but that seemed a little like cheating.

An eternity later we arrived at our friends in Chicago and had a wonderful time…watching the excitement as the kids experienced the Choo Choo resturant in Des Plaines (where the food arrives by train), the wild abandonment of 5 kids under 4 flinging themselves off a air mattress onto another, and reconnecting with old friends. Friends I met in graduate school. I am deeply thankful that time and distance hasn’t changed our friendship but recognize how important it is to nurture the relationships that feed us.

Is there a person in your life you want to reconnect with? A relationship you want to nurture? What is stopping you? Work through it and reconnect.