Silence 11/17/2009
 
I attended an amazing event this past Friday in support of Seane Corn's Off the Mat Into the World initiatives. Sarah Longacre was able to raise $22000 in one evening! The money will go toward building a birth center in Uganda. A magical night filled with wonderful people and inspiring speakers, Krista Tippett of Public Radio's Speaking of Faith and Matthew Sanford, author and my newest inspiration.

I have heard of Matthew and his work off and on again over the last few years. I have encouraged my husband to take a yoga class with him but hadn't made a personal connection until this event. And I am deeply grateful for the opportunity to have heard him speak. As the room quieted, he spoke of trauma and loss. In addition to the loss of movement from the chest down due to an automobile accident at the age of thirteen, like me, he has experienced the loss of a child (you can read more about my experience here). I was beyond moved by his willingness to share his story of healing and transcendence.

I rushed out to get his book and within sentences was captivated. His description of silence captures a feeling I have never had words for...

"Silence is the word I use to describe the empty presence we experience within our experience – between our thoughts, between each other, between ourselves and the world. We feel the silence when we daydream, when we appreciate the beauty of a sunset, or when the love of our life truly walks away. It is an inward sense, often experienced as a longing or an ache. It is a feeling of emptiness and fullness at the same time.The silence is the aspect of our consciousness that makes us feel slightly heavy. It is the source of the feeling of loss, but also of a sense of awe."

Again so deeply appreciative my journey led me to this book and Matthew's work. If you find yourself at the bookstore or library I encourage you to take a moment and read a few pages. You'll be hooked.
 
 

On an almost daily basis I prioritize scheduling time to move my body. A run, yoga, or sometimes just a walk around the block. I know I NEED this time to function, without it, my ability to be patient or cope with stress falls apart quickly. But at a yoga class recently the instructor talked of the importance of not only working out but of also "working in." When time is tight, I don't prioritize nurturing myself in this way. So I encourage you to join me in prioritizing "working in" this week. Schedule time to connect with yourself - read a book in your stack, take out a journal, meditate, address a question that has be troubling you, create some art, push yourself to try something new. Let's discover the benefits of "working in."

 
 

I've recommitted to my yoga practice. A "practice" that has been sporadic at best for the last half a decade. On the mat I am reminded of the importance of balancing the attention we give to our bodies, our minds, and our spirits. Most of us have the tendency to place more attention on one aspect of our being...usually we stay where we feel most comfortable.  Maybe paying attention to your physical needs comes easy or you find yourself in your head most of the time. I encourage you to explore finding balance in where you place your attention. Try focusing on all areas of your being...what do you need to feel strong in spirit, mind, and body?


 
 

About a month ago I made the choice to run in the annual rite of spring 10k race, the temperature hovered around freezing with some bizarre mixture of rain/sleet/hail/snow falling, and the winds were gusting to 20 miles an hour. Needless to say my running partner and I spoke little during the run so I had plenty of time to think and my thoughts went something like this:

“Who does this? Why am I doing this? Is that hail? Is that person seriously wearing shorts?”

After a few (very little) hills that seemed like the same (very big) ones I ran in SF, my thoughts continued along these lines….

“Did I really choose to this? What are my options here? Can I give up? What would I do? Can I sit down hang out on this incredibly breezy bridge with this crap pelting me?”

I finally caught my breath and realized how I was holding myself back. I found myself thinking…

“Wait I can to this! I’ve made it through worse! Instead of fighting it, just give in…let go!”

I was able to relax into my stride and although I almost tackled the well-meaning spectator who was shouting “half mile left” (which sounded like you have 20 miles left), I happily survived. I walked away from the whole wet experience reflecting on other times in my life where I sometimes feel like giving up. Giving up on relationships, house renovations, parenting, my professional life. Instead of fighting with myself I need to remember to get out of my own way. Inevitably when I give in and let go life works out as it should. The best reinforcement of this was when I looked up the race results and found I’d run at my fastest pace ever!

So where can you give in...instead of giving up? Where can you let go?

 
The Connection 04/16/2008
 

As a trained cognitive-behavioral therapist I’ve spent a considerable amount of time thinking about how our thoughts affect our feelings and behavior. I do believe that what we say to ourselves affects our experience of life. The negative conversations I have in my head leave me feeling tense and jumpy. This anxiety leaves me stranded and immobilized. On the other hand if I’m positive in my reflections I feel relaxed and confident in my ability to move forward. It has taken me longer than I care to admit that there is more to the puzzle than this. I’ve realized that if I’m not taking care of my body it doesn’t really matter how upbeat my self-talk is and I’m stuck. This became all the more obvious after a week of interrupted sleep, and too much sugar, coupled with a physically exhausting weekend that involved an intense strength training class Saturday and a Sunday morning run my body wasn’t ready for. I was a disaster. My husband tactfully pointed out my negativity after I snapped at the baby for being a baby. I was reminded of the interdependence of our body and minds. You’ve heard of the mind-body connection….simple our mind affects our body and vice versa. The two can’t be separated as easily as I once believed. We need to take care in how we think and approach life and in how we nurture our bodies. For me, slipping into sloppy eating patterns, sleep deprivation, and pushing my body too far all add up to a clouded mind. It is journey of subtle mental misteps and sometimes all out physical crashes that remind me to make some navigational adjustments to get me back on track.

How about for you…what happens when your physical self-care becomes a little careless?

 
Lighten Up 04/13/2008
 

If you want to make your life a little lighter & brighter this week try a few of these...

Use a smaller plate
Spend time outside
Each day take a few minutes and pack up a bag for Goodwill
Have that conversation you've been avoiding
Don’t plan ANYTHING for the weekend
Buy fresh flowers
Say hi and smile





 
 

Last night in my evening group at Blooma, we were chatting about the stuff that clutters up our minds and rooms and drains us of our energy. One of the amazing participants, who comes from a family of 12, shared a strategy her mother used and I just had to pass it along.

Her mother would give each child a box before summer started and all 10 had to clean out their rooms...the stuff on their walls, dressers, all the accumulated toys and junk. Her mother called it "simplifying for summer" and explained that since they would spending all their time outdoors they wouldn't need any of it. As you can imagine by the time fall came around no one missed a thing. A woman ahead of her time who clearly didn't need a library of books on organization to deal with her dozen.

We become so attached to the stuff in our lives and don't realize the space it takes up. I encourage you to take a look at your life, your physical space (the counters, closets, car, etc) and your mental space (your relationships, thought patterns, self-defeating behaviors). What can you pack up this spring. Come fall if you haven't opened the box, let it go. What a great way to simplify!

P.S. Check out this for some great "stuff" about attachment.

 
Stillness 02/12/2008
 

After making the executive decision that a 23 minute afternoon nap wasn’t quite enough for my four-month-old little sprout, I accepted that I was going to have to snuggle up next to him and urge him back to sleep. Surprisingly it worked and I found myself wondering how long I had to wait until I could safely wiggle my arm out. Thoughts of my “to do” list danced in my head….laundry to be folded, piles of correspondence to be addressed, veggies to be cut, drafts to be proofed. Then it occurred to me I could just surrender to the stillness. Lulled by the sound of his breath, his sleep whimpers, and the warmth of his little body…I was reminded how important it is to take time to just be…to be still...to focus my attention on what is before me.

Maybe you are already skilled at focusing your attention and if so prioritize doing it this week. If you don't feel like you are very focused...it may be less daunting than you think. My challenge for you is to take one activity you do on a regular basis…doing the bills, talking with a friend, going for a walk. Really do it…drink in the sights and sounds, the feel of the paper – the weight in your hand, the sight of the snow – as it drifts in the wind, the sound of your friend’s voice – the changes in tone. If you find your thoughts drifting from what is before you, gently bring them back. If focusing your attention is difficult for you at first, keep at it, it gets easier. Doing so will greatly enhance your life and bring you closer to feeling more in tune and in balance. Enjoy the stillness!